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Comrade Web Blog

Sometimes even a Web Agency has to eat Lunch

by Comrade Web Agency     |     Insider

05/31/16 01:57 PM

Every Friday, our CEO, Ivan treats the whole team to lunch. Sounds amazing, right? And it is, don’t get us wrong, but this luxury comes at a cost. There is a delicate dance that must be performed each week before we can enjoy this generous gift. This process unravels as follows:

11:30 a.m.

Realize the Time, Panic and Begin the Passive Aggressive Email Chain

Because the majority of our Comrade team starts their workday at 10 a.m. it doesn’t take long before we look up from our computers to the dark realization that,

Uh-oh! It’s already 11:30 a.m.!

We’ve been through this before, and we know, if we don’t get moving soon, we won’t be eating lunch until 2:00 p.m. and no one likes to be around Ivan and Kiryl when they’re hungry.

Now, everyone has his or her food preferences. Norman loves cuisine food, Ivan loves all kinds of meat and Julia just wants to find a place whose “Vegetarian Options” menu has more than a single salad on it. So, every Friday at exactly 11:30 a.m., someone will send an email to the office with a single word.

Lunch?

Then the email chain begins. Norman will suggest Indian. “No, we had that two weeks ago”. How about Sushi? “It really wasn’t that good last time.” BBQ? “They have no vegetarian options”.

As the email chain gets longer, time passes and people grow hungrier by the minute.

12:00 p.m.

A Food Type is Selected but No One Wants to Order

Due to the growing rumbling of stomachs, people slowly fall into the response of “I don’t care anymore. Just order something. Anything.” A food type is quickly selected. However, no one volunteers to order.

“Ordering Company Lunches” is not included in anyone’s job description, and no one wants to take on that responsibility. Who’s to blame if the order is wrong, or there isn’t enough food? Who has to sit in the office with hungry coworkers for the rest of the day? The person that ordered…that’s who.

12:30 p.m.

Stomachs Begin to Rumble and PitchForks Are Sharpened

It’s a game of chicken now. Who will get hungry enough to crack and order the food? Who will take the leap and call the restaurant? Will we ever get to eat??

People start to give each other the side-eye. The introverts in the office avoid eye contact at all costs. Throats are audibly cleared and no one dares to ask, “who’s ordering the food?” Once you do…congratulations! You’ve just volunteered yourself as Tribute.

1:00 p.m.

Someone Grows Some Balls and Orders the Food

Eventually, one brave soul decides, enough is enough. He or she is willing to leap into the sacrificial flame in the name of something holy: food! That brave soul sends the entire office a link to the chosen restaurant’s online menue and ask for everyone’s order.

1:30 p.m.

Food is Ordered and We All Wait in Silence

Depending on the restaurant, the food is ordered online or over the phone. Everyone must listen in carefully to make sure his or her order made “The List”.

Once the food has been ordered, we settle into silence and wait. The only things that can be heard throughout the office are the rumbling of tummies and clicking of frantic computer keys. People are becoming hungry, trying to keep our mouths shut to avoid saying something we’ll regret.

2:00 p.m.

Food Arrives and Feasting Begins   

The food finally arrives and everyone swarms to the kitchen like locusts. They descend upon the food as if they haven’t eaten in weeks. Take what you can. Every person for themself.

We settle in the kitchen to eat and chat, quickly forgetting the struggle we all went through to get here. It’s over. We survived. We are safe for another week.